What to do at 40?

         Why does 40 evoke such depressing ,seemingly life-altering emotions more than 30?(Haven't hit 50 so wait another 10 years for that post :).Forty is the milestone when your body says ..FTW..I give up..you are on your own!! The busy lifestyle with kids and work almost seems to be in Auto-Mode, they can take care of themselves.You have time to sit around and watch em grow.NOW its YOUR turn to be taken care of.
       

So you grab the scales(with wifi of course) and the tape measure..Reality..Your Body fat is way over 30..your wardrobe has those pesky  32 size pants collecting dust,a faint reminder of what once was..you feel tired after sitting in the office for 8 hours..you buy regular jeans and dockers pants..your older relatives are getting diagnosed with serious ailments or passing away..facebook reminds you  to do something special everyday..live for today..You ARE FORTY!Happy Birthday Old Timer.
Here's my list of things to do when you hit 40(no you cant do this at 30!!)

1. Get a Modern Haircut:Go with whats in fashion today.Dye it.Go short.
2. Take Those old pants(except 1) and thrown in storage:Why leave 1 ..we'll talk about that later.
3. Buy a Wi-Fi scale: So you can track your progress(Weight-Guru Scale At Amazon)
   
4. Balance your Nutrition:You are not DIETing..you are going to eat healthy..Smaller portions 5 times a day.This is a difficult one to change as we are used to 3 meals a day.For ex: Add a Snack of Fruits at 3PM...Start your day with Foods that have low Glycemic index(oats) so you stay less hungry until lunchtime..
5. Start Walking: In office take the stairs..Get a step counter( Fitbit ,Jawbone UP)..After work start with a 30 minute brisk walk(you should sweat)
6. Get your spouse on board:He or she is probably feeling the same way..so involve her..get her on board..give her some time away from kids.
7. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY: SAY It..Close your eyes and Say it Again..This is the most important mantra that will do you wonders,make you stay your course, reach farther with your goals and get your body and mind aligned for a fitter YOU!

Cheers

Birds Bees... and More?!?

I dreaded this day..Never been nervous about anything more than this..whew..Have been planning(thinking really) on this for a few years! 2 Things that made it difficult to open the topic was 1) The correct time for his age 2) I didn't have the experience with my Dad

       So For all prospective dad-gearing-up-for-this-speech,here goes..First find out if the school has done any talking about ,videos etc..Depending on the school this usually starts around the 4th grade..Then start by observing if your son is ready for it..Some visual clues included Vinay turning away from the TV when couples are kissing ..closing his eyes and making a UGHHH !!
       Second talking about relationships from school,like asking/talking about girls, girlfriends/boyfriend type things, girls whom he talks about(hates usually)
       I didn't choose the day to sit him down..but the situation arose when he was squirming about a female hygenic product and was getting that confused with an adult diaper..Voila.. got my opening to intervene..as "some" knowledge is dangerous..
      Nags Basically slipped out of the room..not for his sake..but she was too shy and coy about the "Talk".
The 15 minute ended with Vinay admitting "Can I go sleep now..I have been grossed out enough for 1 day"

Roja and more

Remembering Roja's music..one of the 1st movies I saw with Naags..never wondered that the music would come along with me as long as she does...Still feel so nostalgic about the music and those days..Talked to Mottai and that kinda evoked feelings about good ol college days...

Life is so faast..atleast feels that way..not stopping to enjoy a vacation or that call to your friend or reminiscing that memory will make that moment lost forever..As I march towards the 40's..gray beard(not white yet!!) I can  imagine what each of our  friends lives are going through and wonder if they  think of you .

I envy my in-laws,retired and united with their sisters and long time friends in the foothills of Ooty.getting to enjoy their second childhood,skyping with their grand kids..Will I ever get to that stage,I wonderWhere will my friends be when i am 50 or 60?Can you imagine SIXTY..damn so far yet so near!!!

Anyways..live life to its ful extent..you only live once..

How much to give?

     This week CNN posted the Top 10 CNN Heroes for 2010.You get to vote for the person ,as many times as you want ,you think has made a significant impact in various fields through their efforts and initiative.I found one whom we have been involved with and felt proud of it.Scientifically this is called "Helpers High"-endorphins release in your body which gives an elation (like being high) when you feel good/happy for donating to a cause.
     Reading and voting for each of those "entries" for this "competition" kinda empowers me ,like a reality show.Come to think of it.THIS is as real as it gets.The hard thing is for me is to prioritize which of these entrants get my vote. Therein lies the dilemma..Am I eligible ,worthy of making that decision?Does the one who comes 10th not deserve as much of my contribution or vote as the one who came first.
    The american tax payer contributes $3000(earning above $100K) .Sometimes charity does not mean money but volunteering and time for charitable activities,donating blood etc.We are doing neither of these to be in the average group.We plan to this year and choose charities here in the US and India.(again not that other countries deserve less).
    Reference :http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm?bay=content.view&cpid=736&print=1
Few of the organizations that we are involved with:

• http:/www.akshayatrust.org
• http://www.thulir.org
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page
• http://www.butterflieschildrights.org/profile.php
• http://www.indiateam.org/ -Through this organization you can decide whom to help.A little more involved and needs resources in India to complete your project.We did a build of classroom benches and desks and utensils for midday meals.

Reading Hindu

      Reading the Hindu online version always transports me back to Chennai.The sections I mostly read Are by state-Tamilnadu and then drill down to Chennai,Coimbatore.The way Hindu captures each city's news is fascinating.These are not in-depth coverages,sometimes they leave you hanging,these are tidbits.At a glance under "Chennai",we get the Naattu Nadappu(as my mom used to say).
      Then we move onto the "In Chennai Today".This is my favorite..Over the years I have seen the tidbits under this section expand quite significantly.Sections under those are Religion,Culture,General.These provide information on recitals,competition,meetings,gatherings,functions.And depending on the season and festivals there is more to digest.
      What this gives me is a glimpse of  how people are changing,adapting to change in Chennai.The connection that i can establish,as though I am seeing this city morph and sometimes when they don't.I react to this in some way in my life here.It is like an observer,non-participant watching the time go by.

Are we good parents?

         This thought nags my mind every week...Are we doing the best we can to raise our children to their full potential?Is the "Best" I mentioned above the"Best" for the kids..or the what we perceive it to be?Should we constantly throw them into activities and see what sticks?Oh..the pressure..of not being certain that you are making the correct choices.
        This makes me wonder..did I make good choices in my life till now?Have I been successful in what I deemed to be important to my life?Am I making it difficult for my kids to make good choices?How does someone objectively measure the quality of life we provide for our kids?
        It is not only the everyday affect we have on our kids but the long-term effect that may be caused by my actions.Am I responsible for my kids actions in school,college and later in Life?Did I sow the seeds for her success/goals/ambitions?

Being a single parent

for 4 days and 3 nights was not something I volunteered for.But Vidya had to go out of town and so it happened.I hate being told what to do...but I did let her cook some side dishes(not That I couldn't do that,but I mostly prefer not to:).
       All the while in our house we play good cop- bad cop.When Vidya is disciplining the kids I play nice and talk normally and do not interfere.And Vice-versa.We try not to be angry or chiding at the same time.When she was away I had to make them follow the normal routine and enforce it at times.This time Sahana did not have Vidya to run to and surprise she actually listened to em the first time!.Surprise..surprise..so much for my parenting regime. Also I had to make some more rules..no games till you have snacks..and that worked too.I did manage  well(Vidya was annoyed that I did so and the house was still there when she came back).
      Now I really appreciate what single parents go through without support of relatives here..work,daycare,school,weekends,activities..I don't think the 4 days was an achievement at all since I was looking forward to Friday and this was temporary..I am glad she is here..still..with me:))

Fall colors and more

               Fall is my favorite season.The air is cool and crisp,the colors are amazing (on my way to work) and we get to visit farms and pick apples.My kids love the visit to the Apple and pumpkin farms.The thing is Apple farms waste about 20-25% apples that grow in a season.According to CT state law,once an apple falls to the ground it has to be disposed of and cannot be used even as animal fodder.Wouldn't it be nice to "catch" the apples b4 they hit the ground and process it ..maybe for cider.

               Pumpkin farms have acres of patches and and poeple can pick them up and are sold by the pound.They have an all you can carry competition for 20 bucks.There are hay rides and haunted ones to keep the kids interested.
              We got one and carved it ..came out pretty good for beginners.
 

Yearly goals-Sequel 2009

Last year I posted about my goal for 2009.

http://sankarsays.blogspot.com/2008/08/yearly-goals.html

     I succeeded in setting up my home theater..though not dedicated,nevertheless satisfying to my current demands:)I have tweaked to my hearts content (and wallet depth) and am truly happy to report..it is heavenly..But this hobby is obsessive and addictive and long ways to go before I am done with it.
    In march I took up photography.I can now say I can understand what National Geographic photographers go through in their mind!I understand Photography as a science which is important to mature to the next phase, practicing it as an art.A photo can be compositionally correct,optimally exposed and beautifully framed but to make it an art you have to have the soul and convey your thoughts through this visual to an observer..Now comes the challenge and the obsession to make it happen.So this will surely go on my list to pursue next year.

 

Do you have a Tiger in You?

          When talking to a colleague about Tiger woods..she suddenly asked me "Will you have an affair?"..My immediate response was "Have to ask Vidya about it"!!FTW..There is a fine line between Fantasy and reality when it comes to extra-marital affairs(EMA..new acronym..go figure:).Also it is one thing to have Fantasies with your spouse in it or just go random.Fantasy is just that-NOT REAL!!You can make some of it come alive with your significant other and thats a whole another post;))))
          Now back to EMA,My take is ,it is the thrill of the ride,the anticipation,the thought of the  rush rather than the ride itself(pun intended).It is supposed to be temporary else persistence will spoil the fun.Obviously the environment only adds to it..meaning the ease of access to such an activity.All of these are true for Tiger(and for others doing it or contemplating it)
          Physicality has nothing to do with it..reality is boring in this case and making unreal happen is the biggest addiction that makes one to go venture further!Now again different cultures might consider this differently..Physical contact might piss off someone while others might feel emotional deprivation is the cause.
          Some feel even Fantasizing is immoral..others are cool with it as long as you don't act on it..and thats that!

2009-Year of Sahana

Sahana is the highlight of this year..Watching a girl grow up is a different experience than Vinay..All the girly things she does surprises us the most..She went thorough a rough patch in spring with ear tubes ..Being used to Vinay , ahead of his age by a couple of years,made me expect the same..but realizing she is different ,changing my attitude really helped us to enjoy being in the moment and not looking to how she will be.
   Many days in the summer made me wish she would grow up and get out of certain habits..Some annoying ,but certainly very child like , traits would completely throw us off..U know ..eating habits..obstinacy..short attention to any activity..As we watched her go through that..I realised those were all my traits..my genes in full swing!!
    Fall made me realize she is growing up but in her own pace..and I thought  she was acting  mature..That made me miss her antics and theatrics from the early part of the year..(man I can never be satisfied..can I?)..I realized I do not want her to grow up!!!Thats a complete turn about in a matter of months.
    Winter is definitely my season with Christmas, snow man and holed up with family during snow days..I do feel Sahana has grown leaps in this year..but making an effort not to miss every day with her..Because as parents how much ever we wish our kids should grow up and become on their own..I do not want to miss going back to her arms when I pick her up from school or the sweet kisses during bedtime or the "Chorry" we are so often used to hearing.
  As Much as I look forward to her growing up I will cherish  2009  for a long time.

Housing and more

There were(still are) a group of people who actually predicted the housing bust and the current depression-like era back in 2006.People like Peter Schiff, Nouriel Roubini and Warren Buffet(not in so many direct words though).What did the junta do?Sat back and cashed out their home equities and refinanced to ever higher loans.
(http://www.irvinehousingblog.com/)

Our homes turned into instant ATM's for fast withdrawals.All we cared about was where to go on vacation and how to beat your neighbor in Home improvement projects.

Has this taught us a lesson..importance of savings,gravity(markets see-saw) and writing IOU's to Social security and medicare debt.Nooo..we went ahead and walked away from the loans(foreclosure).The question is WHO pays for all the money that we spent.In this case it happens to be the US government and they will continue to do so for years to come.

In hindsight if I had only been an idea-doer and sold my house in March 2006 and not just been an idea creator(planned to move down south,searched for jobs,identified the schools etc),I might have been sitting on a horde of cash.Thinking about it now I would feel sad for the sucker who might have purchased my property at such an inflated price and lost his savings now(down 25% since the peak).So good karma for me..yea!

This decade of lost savings,retirement funds,home equity,jobs will take a decade or 2 to overcome.Unlike the 1929 depression hopefully we don't start a war with some nation to replenish the lost wealth.

I recently bought a BMW..

...the BMW of mini-vans,that is the Honda Odyssey.Last year with Sahana and the arrival of in-laws on a regular basis we took the American way to Upgrade.We had a Honda CRV,decent vehicle but cannot seat more than 4..which was fine till then.
So I suggested a 3 series used BMW..

"Hmm" said Vidya,which meant I was wrong and she was going to prove it too.It totally did not make sense to sell an SUV and buy a sedan!!--Agreed.We have to go in 2 cars all the time!!--Agreed

Me--In a beemer you can go from 0-60 in 4.3 secs,handle curves elegantly at 60mph, pull out of the signal first and pick up chicks at clubs(I just threw that in...hehe.)

After a thorough,deliberate , financial and usability analysis we bought a Honda Odyssey.I can do 0-60 in 13.5 secs(not that anyone is there to time it),go around the curve at 60mph(whew!!..close call),I wait for red signal in a single lane(yea..i'm always first to pull out) and pick up Sahana at the Daycare(the only chick I care about anyways!!)

After a year of driving around,I use the Odyssey to my office,trips,grocery shopping,Home depot runs,karate class pickups and pretty much ALL the time.Really comfortable,satellite Radio and tons of space(packs 7 adults+1kid).

Bottomline..middle-aged,cant-let-go-of-college-years',married-with-kids men go for the "BMW of Minivans" and still feel masculine about it.

Death of Communism in India

Surprise!Surprise..the people have spoken..the verdict is in.Poverty and communist principles have no future in India.The host of Left parties were routed in their homelands,west bengal and kerala."Change" was the keyword and feeling for the people of these 2 states.Through out the country though, awareness was the motivation for going back to a one-party rule.

This is not the congress of yesteryear where they only said they wanted to eradicate poverty and make pro-poor choices..but they didn't.In the last 2 decades India's official poor ratio has improved by 50%.Now that is huge for a country of 1 Billion.So what has happened in the last decade that has made this transition for India?

Technology and thereby an awareness to compete.We were satisfied with blaming the Nuclear Deal, mall-culture, IT youths earning more etc.But it is this same reasons why the country has grown so much. It is the era of Information sharing be it the common SMS culture or the right to information Act.

I was always so dismayed by the fact that we Indians who produce the best minds there is in the technical world ,who design the best software on the planet were not able to do the same in their own country.Now I am convinced that this process which started with the 1999 Y2K problem has snow balled into this unstoppable thirst for information.From the serial-watching housewife to the tea-boy (in slumdog millionaire) have one thing in common.--Access to information!!They get it through TV,SMS, Satellite networks,Internet.

The general populace in India has increased their sense of awareness.The youngest generation always gets it!!When I was in college it was the choice to setup home anywhere in the world but still be indian.Now it the chance to be at Home in India and be yourself. From this awareness has come development and the clear goal of the government to show progress and measure performance.All these terms that we are so familiar with in Information Technology.

There is no looking back now.No more Grand schemes that are only in paper but local developments which show value and progress.This really proves that Information is key to the development of any nation(or a project).

Hello
This is my first mobile blog.it isalittle cumbersome to type,but it does let me post from anywhere within 150 words per text message

Joining the Millions

Of Homeowners whose house values have been depleted ..of course!Today I found out that my house is worth exactly the same amount I paid for it in Dec 2003(source:Zillow.com).After a peak in 2006 that is a 26% drop in a moderately less affected part of the country.The 5 year annualized decline of Median House Value in CT is..yep you got it..0.0%.This kind of puts a damper on our lifestyle and we start thinking with "What-if" scenarios.It does look frightening when we have to plan for the worst case.
I refer to the "House" and not "Home".Home is something that you build with your family and the equity in that investment has grown manifold with Sahana and Vinay providing us with lots of "gains".Our losses though are limited to in no particular order- Sleeping Late on Saturdays(and Sundays),Going to the Movie Theater and Bank Balances.

Ciao

Life in india-Sequel

Now I have come to realize that terrorism is here to stay..Folks are encouraged to take out "terror insurance" in India and I believe that is becoming popular..All my comments from the previous post still hold true..No clear mandate on how to handle terrorist attack situations or to gather intelligence and thwart them before they happen..What is missing is the sharing of information across all law enforcement agencies and with public..
A case file in Tamilnadu against an offender is not known to the cops in Mumbai..unless they have a special investigative force to go to Chennai and get the information..This is BS***.In a country which has the best IT minds I am saddened to see that we don't use the same technology that we have imparted to others all over the world.
We do need empathetic leaders(read Manmohan Singh) but we also need hardened rightist to lay down the law and follow it all costs.
This is just the beginning of a new era in Indian culture..the bomb culture..it is here to stay..we have to live with it..but we should not ignore this like poverty,AIDS,politicians,Scandals..but we need to fight it.

Life in India

Terrorist attacks, security lapses, economic downturn, Droughts and floods..Indians can pick one of these as their choice when eking out a living and trying to support their family.These are some hard choices people have to make everyday.Actually these are not optional you have to choose one (or more if you are lucky)!!
That's why the farmers of Yavatmal in Maharashtra, chose to end their lives gracefully.Now in a bid as to not offend the Laws of the constitution and the indian state , who has bestowed the rights to decent living(?!??), they appealed to the President to grant permission to do so.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India/23_farmers_seek_Prez_permission_to_end_lives
/rssarticleshow/3491699.cms

What is happening is a total lack of leadership.I mean there are NO leaders at all.No mandate on national security,no comprehensive policy on Natural Disaster Recovery for Citizens, no absolute rules on Taxation and poverty eradication.Nada..Nothing..Zilch..Zero.

In-laws

When I mentioned to my colleagues that my in-laws were going to spend the summer(a mere 3 months) with us..most of my lunch-table-diversity-club went..OMG..You poor thang!!Hmm..that was not a reaction you get when you talk about elders(be it in-laws or parents).Well the thing is..Americans are much more conscious about independence and freedom than credit card debt and savings.
We in India accept this as social norm and families are close knit with 3 generations living under one roof.Of course we do have the newer generation living across India on their own..but this might be due to better opportunities and not mandated by a dislike for family traditions.
Anyways we had a great time and the kids enjoyed the grandparents company.I think for the next generation a good dose of living with extended family is a lesson in sharing and connecting and living for more than just themselves.That's why we want to let the kids have their summer in India next year and hope they come back with much more than they left here with.

Yearly Goals

Unlike others I make up my goal for the year ,around April..Why?After spending 6 months in the cold I am ready to go waste some money and also that's the time my company passes me some Bonus moolah(woo hoo).This year my goal was to setup a true 5.1 channel Home theater.
Now speakers and receivers can cost from the low thousands to the upper tens of thousands.Obviously if budget and room size were not a limit(and If I were not married or had kids) this would have been an easier task..easier because there are literally 200+ speaker makers to choose from.And the worst part is you have to listen to the exact speakers IN your home before you can buy them!!!
What started as a goal has become an obsession,but at least I can fulfill my goal this year.AND I DID..This is awesome..Movies sounds like we are in a theater..Music is very satisfying(and I listen to a lot of those) from Alan Jackson to
Yuvan shankar Raja..
So what is my goal for next year..Save up..America is going belly up..and cash is King..We have cut down on all holiday shopping and birthday gifts(except for the kids)...Invest the savings for better times ,hopefully in 2 years..